One More Time (Page 6)

Oh, really? Just can't admit that you got attached to those imperfect, non-ideal people, can you? 'Cuz if you got attached, then there'd be a connection, a connection to the present and possibly the future, and that's something you can never have.

What are you talking about? I never got attached to the future because I always knew I could never have one.

 Well, you can now.

There was a voice, a voice punctuated by sharp intakes of breath, almost as if the person were crying. A female voice.

"—never change, do you. You always were a stubborn—"

Stubborn, maybe, but this time I know I'm right.

"—never knew anyone as cocky as you—"

I find that hard to believe. You should look in the mirror, Faye…Faye, that girl's name was Faye…

"—made up your mind there's nothing worth living for, so you're just gonna give up."

That's about it.

"Why? Why don't you even want to try to go on living? Would it be so hard? Isn't there anything here you want to see again?"

Not really. I've been from one side of the solar system to the other and the more things change, the more they stay the same. I've seen enough.

"Isn't there," a pause, "anyone you want to see again?"

I guess I wouldn't mind saying goodbye to Jet, maybe see Ed and the mutt one last time. Heck, I wouldn't even mind seeing you again. But the one person I want the most is no longer within my reach. I would give anything to see her one more time, see her turning my way again, wearing that tight black catsuit, her black hair shining…

Wait a minute. Her black hair? He thought back to his dream memory, the newest version of the memory which constantly haunted him. There she was, tall and beautiful, with her long legs, trim waist, and…black hair. She turned around again, showing off the highlights in her hair, her green eyes shining…

No, it couldn't be. There's no way it could be her. Why on earth would my mind have come up with something like that?

You really are an idiot, aren't you?

"I can't take much more of this, you know. You keep me worrying like this, and wrinkles are gonna be popping out all over the place."

Somehow I doubt that. You're already like 80, right? I'd say you're doing all right so far.

"Not that this is anything new, of course. All you've ever done is made me worry about you."

Faye—worried about me?

He felt a soft finger running across his forehead and down his cheek. "You were always into something, always finding some new way to tease death. Do you really love the action so much, Spike?" The finger was replaced by a whole hand stroking his cheek. "Or is it that you just never cared about the outcome so it didn't matter what crazy stuff you pulled?"

I—I never really thought about it, I mean…of course it wasn't just playing with death, it was also…well, not really, I mean—stop doing that to my face, I can't think!

"You've never cared, Spike. You told me you were going there, to that place, to find out if you were truly alive. But you know what? I already know the answer to that. You weren't alive. You hadn't been living for a long time. You were hanging on to the ghost of that old life, hanging on to the ghost of your memories, so much that you were already dead yourself." A sigh. "Why'd I have to go and fall for a dead guy?"

Fall…for a…? You're kidding.

Why is that so hard to understand?

 Well, I guess I am a pretty good catch at that.

Not that, you cocky jerk. If it works one way, why is it so surprising that it would work the other way, too?

Works one way…? Just what do you mean by that?

I think you know what I mean. And you know it's true.

I really don't have any idea what you're talking about.

Okay, then why'd you go and save her when Vicious had her captive at the church?

That wasn't about her. It was about me and Vicious.

Sure it was. That may have played a part, but that wasn't the whole thing. You walked into an obvious trap, putting yourself into a situation where you knew you were bound to get hurt—which you did, I might add—when you could have just as easily waited for a better opportunity to take on Vicious, an opportunity which you could have engineered and tailored to your needs. All you had to do was take off right then and there, leaving Faye to her fate. She had, after all, got herself into it through her own greed. So why didn't you?

She—she was a friend.

I thought you said you didn't have any friends on the ship. I thought you said you were just lost souls that got stuck together. Why would you risk your life for someone you were just stuck with?

Shut up.

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